Hello all!,
Welcome to my first entry of this blog. My name is Avi Tanny, and I am single father raising two year old twin girls. I decided for my first blog I would run you through what of a day of (or surviving) raising twins.
The day begins at 6:30 A.M. , yes including weekends. Remember children don’t really have a weekend schedule. The space between 6:30 AM and 7:00 AM is what I refer to as ‘The countdown to chaos’ . For those of you with children, I am sure you understand exactly what i’m talking about. For those of you without children, ask your parents I’m sure they know all about it. It is The time of day where if you are lucky enough you can wake up, eat, get dressed, and shower before the challenges of parenting begin. By 7 A.M they are beginning to jump up and down in their cages..err playpens, and they want out!. Throwing a toy in their playpen used to work, but they don’t seem to fall for that anymore.
It’s hard to decide which one to take out of the playpen first. Usually I pick up the one that is being most obnoxious, and set her on the changing table. A year ago I used to be able to change them in 9.5 minutes! . Yes I was able to undress them, change their diapers, and fully clothe them (in snowsuits) all in 9.5 minutes! However, it is nearly impossible now. It takes somewhere in the 30 minutes range. That includes figuring out where the other twin has gone, while you are changing one. It also includes unclogging the toilet, due to whatever treats the baby has fed it, and yelling “NO!” without even seeing what the baby has done, because for some reason the baby has become suspiciously quiet. The twins have reached the age where they will begin to throw a fit, if they are missing any piece of clothing, being prepared the night before is a great solution or if you are not prepared have a cookie handy, any problem a baby has is solved with a cookie. Also the babies opinion of you is strongly represented by the cookie you are holding.
Once we are fully dressed, and heading out the door I’ll look outside and marvel at our gorgeous snow filled streets. Now I have the lovely challenge of somehow pushing a double stroller twenty minutes to the daycare. I would walk on the sidewalk, but where is the sidewalk?. I had recently tried to teach my twins not to cross at a red light. It is very hard to do that when all the drivers forget how to drive due to winter. I can’t teach my kids “hey stop at green, because everyone is driving on red”.
By the time I get to the daycare, I am sweating from head to toe, and can’t wait to go sit down in Tim horton’s over an extra large coffee (or skip the coffee because if I can I’m going back to sleep!). I have been able to this for the last couple of weeks. However, I am starting school next week so I could say bye to that luxury. The most interesting part of my daily routine is when other people talk to me about my twins:
Every morning without fail someone will ask me at least one the following questions (I have done my best to find sufficient answers).
1-Excuse me, are they twins? – “No sir, they are tiny Japanese robots”
2-Are they boys or girls? – “well sir, do boys generally wear pink dresses?”
3-Do you have any other children? – “not that I’m aware of”
4-*I’m putting a star here because this one topped all of them “Are they real?” – I was pretty perplexed by this, and only later realized that he meant identical.
And then there’s the comments:
the most common:
1- “Oh, that is so nice, my cousin’s-grandmothers-sister-third-nephew’s-daughter also had twin boys” – This happens to me at least once a day, I try to be friendly, but after walking 20 minutes plowing my way trough the snow, i’ll likely pretend not to hear them.
exceptionally weird:
“double the pleasure” – this is a ‘family oriented’ blog, i’m not even getting into where that slogan is from.
The gestures:
1. usually a thumbs up, and, “good job” – No response to this one, because it makes me feel so awesome.
Usually at the end of the day, after I pick them up I will stop by the bakery to buy them a cookie, which generally ends up in the toilet. Yes our toilet is well fed. Luckily by the time I get to the bakery one of them has fallen asleep. A few days ago, there was a new worker in the bakery, of course as soon as I walked in with my twins she looked at me at said ‘twins?’ . Just to mess with her, I said “oh, there’s another one in the stroller” . Her eyeballs nearly fell out “I’m just kidding” I said . She did not look amused, but that may have had something with my twins begginning to destroy her bakery.
We finally get home, and that is when dinner begins. Dinner for me means dumping enough food on their trays so I can relax for a few minutes. Dinner for them means dumping enough food on the floor for me to have something to do after dinner. The dumping on the floor does not bother me that much, the grinning while they see me looking at them do it bothers me. Now comes everybody’s least favourite part of the day, ‘bath-time
If you have ever tried bathing a child you know the challenges. If you have ever bathed twins I’m giving you props right now. The bath itself isn’t the problem. Changing one baby while watching the other is manageable. The problem is once you’ve changed one baby and ‘released’ her back into the household. You have to be very certain she will not come back into the bathroom. If she does she will of course slide all over the place, about the same way they did when I fed them mashed potatoes, and forgot to clean up the floor right away.
Finally, the day is pretty much over. They are back in their cages, sorry I meant playpens. They have their bottles, and then it begins!. The whining, the crying, and the screaming. One baby has recently decided she now sleeps in my bed. Which would be OK except she kicks me all night, snores, farts right near my face, and wakes me up by placing her finger directly in my nostril. The other baby doesn’t care about sleeping in my bed, but I have to wait until she falls asleep to bring the other into my room. At this point I can relax, and watch my shows this is assuming (like last night) I don’t get kicked to much, or the other baby doesn’t scream her brains out due to some inexplicable foot pain.
I hope you enjoyed my first blog, I look forward to hearing back from the readers. I am going to end this entry with a couple pointers for raising twins (or just one child):
1 Be prepared! Have everything set up the night before, a few minutes the night before will save you from being late to wherever you have to get to.
2 The popularity of Noise cancellation headphones and an 76% increase in the rise of twins in the last three decades go hand in hand, BUY A PAIR (not of twins of headphones).
3 Find your quiet place. Close the door, sometimes they need to cry it out.
4-confuse people. It is very rewarding. Dress your twins up the same, and watch peoples eyeballs pop out when they realize there are two of them.
5-Ask relatives for help. Besides the occasional birthday present, relatives can be of great assistance.
Have a great weekend, and remember you’ll be OK until your kids can run faster than you!
Cheers, Avi Tanny
You are hilarious, Avi. I was laughing the whole time. I can’t wait to read more!