Deconstructing Chris Christie

The current political state of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is, search at best, site teetering on the brink of long-lasting disaster. Since the governor was implicated with his administration’s treacherous plan to create more than the usual annoying traffic on the George Washington Bridge, buy cialis the robust Republican’s popularity ratings have been decaying to the point where a local tailor said he would no longer take out the governor’s pants for free.

The question, of course, is not about Christie’s future as a governor, nor about who will do alterations on his pants, it’s about his future as a Presidential candidate in 2016. If a piece of proven information surfaces about the governor’s direct involvement in the bridge scandal, Christie may never be President.

“He may be too damaged already,” says a Republican Party insider source, “but he still has a better chance than Newt Gingrich. We’re all sick of him and his antics campaigning at zoos.”

Gov. Christie was never considered a strong candidate to be a candidate by a lot of his party’s organizers because they consider him too moderate. Others secretly worried about his size.

A Republican source told me, “After Taft, the party swore it would take weight into consideration. Not many people know this but Dwight Eisenhower’s thin frame is what put him over the top at the convention. That’s what got him the candidacy. He survived something like seven heart attacks and we all agree it was because he was thin. Though Taft didn’t have one heart attack, most powers-that-be in the party then were convinced that if he had one he would only have had one, you know?”

There have been no weight jokes during the Christie controversy over the bridge scandal. Still, there is no doubt journalists have been wording reports to be sure we keep the governor’s weight in mind.

One report of resignations from the Christie camp during the scandal read, “The governor’s staff weighed heavily on whether or not to quit.” Another report read, “The governor of New Jersey will have pounds of trouble if he attempts to fatten his possibilities of running for President.”

Democrats, quiet about the bridge scandal, have stopped sending pastry to the governor’s office, feeling that perhaps the baked-goods gifts would cause a scandal badly reflecting upon the liberals’ negative focus of Christie’s weight.

A Democratic strategist who once kicked George Stephanopoulis and tried to bite George Will’s ear off during a heated political argument, said that his party was only being respectful by sending Christie baked goods. He sited that when the governor warmly received President Obama after the super storm Sandy, party officials wanted to show they appreciated the governor’s bipartisan behavior.

“This had nothing to do with the hope that the governor would devour all of the baked goods himself,” the strategist said, “and gain more weight. We sent so many pies and cakes because we knew the governor’s staff would also enjoy them. No one could accuse us of wanting the governor to gain more weight from the food so that he would come off as an unappealing Presidential candidate simply because he was over three-hundred pounds and counting and thus one limo drive away from a coronary.”

“Actually,” a close supporter of Gov. Christie said, “the traffic on the bridge, created or real, encouraged people to walk and walking is exercise that helps the blood circulate and builds muscular tissue. So even if it turns out Christie had a direct role in the bridge instance, we could spin it so it has a positive initiative. We could follow that outlook by having Gov. Christie begin every day by walking across the George Washington Bridge before involving himself in the important, challenging issues that face the state and the nation.”



Check out more from Frank Cotolo on his official website

Frank’s books are for sale via


No Comments

Be the first to start a conversation

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *