“The income tax system in the U.S. is more complicated than learning to orbit the Earth in a homemade rocket, sick ” said a self-employed man from Wisconsin who wanted to learn to orbit the Earth in a homemade rocket. “As I began to understand it could become a reality even for a high-school dropout like me I was told that the Internal Revenue Service [IRS] has a form that requires reporting a tax on the process. There goes another dream due to taxes.”
A study recently revealed that Americans suffer severe depression before calculating their income taxes, which occurs after they have procrastinated filing them before the April 15 deadline. Every year, working people feel the heavy burden of “doing” their income taxes. Even if they farm out the process to a service company, the study revealed most are nauseated facing the chore.
From the IRS there are long forms and short forms but what the majority of people want are reforms.
House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Dave Camp (R-Mich.) is the latest politician to want to change the system. His plan is to simplify the way taxes are calculated.
An arithmetic major who assists lawmakers when they must write proposals and bills that use multiplication, division and subtraction, explained Camp’s concept.
“It is simple,” he said, “because it modifies exemptions and deductions, making some deductions exemptions and other exemptions deductions while it eliminates some special provisions that enunciate a rate scale that is fair to common workers, although it does not supercede any intricate loophole margins for lawyers and accountants and some big corporations would see changes they would enjoy.”
Camp’s concept is explained in his 194-page proposal, which an insider said was a length edited from 11,245 pages.
“Actually,” the insider said, “the longer version had a lot more reforms. But the sheer size of it scared the daylights out of the Camp camp, so they cut a whole bunch of words out, mostly using Windows Spell Check.”
Also discussed during the compression of Camp’s proposal was the fact that Camp’s team in Washington is being called the “Camp camp.”
“A lot of us liked Team Camp better,” said a member of the Camp camp. “We spent a lot of overtime hours trying to come up with a better phrase. We even used a Thesaurus and some web sites that help with rhyming and what they call synonyms.
“But I see just by reading the previous paragraphs of your report that the Camp camp phrase is being used and it is starting to catch on. We don’t know why, either, because it sounds repetitious. It even looks repetitious.”
We asked if a value-added tax was included in the Camp plan.
“Do you mean a ‘vat,’ but using all caps? Because if you mean a VAT then yes, we have a VAT but it isn’t progressive.”
To explain the VAT not being progressive we asked our arithmetic expert.
“An unprogressive VAT,” he said while using his fingers to count, “taxes people at a common rate. That is, if you make more or less, you pay the same tax. So, to clarify this I use the example of a man making a million dollars and another man making twenty thousand. The million-dollar man pays tax on an item and the twenty-thousand dollar man pays the same tax on the same item.
“Of course a million-dollar man is not going to buy the same product as a twenty-thousand dollar man, not usually, so it may be a moot VAT. Moot VATS usually don’t amount to much change in the current tax system. The IRS system in play now is pretty much mootless [sic]. But studies show that a moot VAT is equal to zero tax alterations on items that would be bought by both the million-dollar and the twenty-thousand dollar man, if the situation arose that found them each buying the exact product.”
With that cleared up, we asked other congressmen if they were in favor of the Camp camp campaign to move the proposal toward law.
One congressman said, “Camp camp campaign? Really? Do we have to add one more variable of the man’s name to this deal, or what?”
Another congressman said, “I think we should reform the tax system with a flat tax. Everyone should pay the same amount of taxes on the different amounts they earn. I call that a flat tax. With a flat tax, everyone pays the same amount, a flat amount, taxing flatly with a flat tax. You don’t need a million pages to explain a flat tax. It’s flat, that’s it.”
Middle-class workers were not impressed when the Camp camp proposal was explained to them.
“What’s that mean anyway?” said a bridge token cashier.
“That makes no sense to me,” said a WalMart greeter.
“I’m depressed because it is nearly tax time,” said a gas station attendant.
On the high end of earners, the CEO of a large electric providing company said, “Camp is a good man and if he has a camp and a campaign that the camp carries out, I don’t care how many camp words they put in their presentation. It’s like who cares how many bomps there are in that song about who put the bomp in the bomp ba domp or whatever those words were sung. Camp’s proposal is all right with me and all of the CEOs I have lunches with daily while talking about the millions of dollars we are earning because a lot of those dollars come from tax breaks and bomp ba domps, you know?”
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