It’s over; it’s all over. Even the shouting after the phrase “it’s all over but the shouting” is over. According to Republican National Committee (RNC) chairman Reince Priebus, cialis the mid-term elections in November, 2014 promise a wave of victories that leave the Democrats up the proverbial creek without a paddle.
Reince, who is arguably the only living man with that given name, told reporters recently that the Republican wins in 2014 will bring the Senate back to a Republican majority, further the majority in the House and sell millions of more books for any host of a program on the Fox News Network.
“We all think that Obamacare is the main issue,” said a Republican strategist wearing a tee-shirt that read ‘I can spell Reince Priebus backwards.’
“The results are in the bag,” said a source close to the RNC chairman. “People are sick of Obamacare because it is so bad it doesn’t even cover the sickness you get from being sick of it.”
The RNC has reportedly created a celebration committee already and it is planning the catering for victory parties in every state that a Republican is running for an office or to be re-elected.
“Obamacare is a poisonous issue for the Democrats,” Reince said. “It was designed to screw young people over … That’s what it did.”
At the event where Reince made the bold announcement, there were cheers and hollers from many young people for his prediction.
One 24-year-old said, “I feel screwed by Obamacare.”
A 26-year-old girl said, “I can’t even sit down since Obamacare began to screw us young people.”
“We are screwed, all of us,” said another young Republican.
“I went to the doctor,” said yet another 20-something in the audience, “and asked him for medicine, any thing that would stop the screwing I am getting from Obamacare.”
Democratic strategists’ response to Reince rebuked his statements. “We aren’t even expecting high tide no less a tsunami,” said one insider. “We don’t even think Reince can spell ‘tsunami.’”
Republicans responded to that statement with a statement that read, “Reince won a major Spelling Bee in college and correctly spelled five different types of storms that cause major damage.”
A statement from the Democrats that responded to the statement responding to their original rebuke to Reince’s statement read, “Reince is trying to spook people into being positive about the chances of his party in the mid-terms by planning celebrations eight months in advance. He thinks that will get out the vote and that even Democrats and Independents will vote Republican if they know now that there will be delicious food spreads with deviled eggs and salmon and liver wrapped in bacon. Reince is using cheap psychological tactics.”
A Republican strategist who just read the statement in the previous paragraph said, “There will not be liver wrapped in bacon because we have too many constituents that cannot eat pork. But all of them will celebrate.”
Author Tarkman Sinthetic has allegedly been commissioned to write a book to be released this summer about the Republican’s tsunami victory coming in November. Reince would not confirm the book being written but a source close to the RNC said Tarkman’s wrting a book called “Tsumani Like It Hot: How The Republicans Took The Country Back Even Before Their Presidential Candidate Won In 2016.”
In a related story, a hospital near to RNC headquarters reported that at least three hundred young people demanded to be admitted over the past week, all of them complaining of being screwed.
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