Regardless of what is suggested to the Republican Party about taking more liberal stands on social issues, legalizing same-sex marriage will remain a conservative battle topic.
“It’s one more reason people are turning away from the party,” said a political analyst whose blog focusing on social issues is read by tens of people. “No man wanting to marry a man or woman wanting to marry a woman is going to vote Republican when feeling condemned. Again, the party is trying to legalize morality.”
“But,” said a Republican blogger with 34 more readers than the blogger in the paragraph above, “making it legal is legalizing morality, is it not? That is a rhetorical question, of course, since hypocrisy and liberalism are as holy as married men, so to speak. ”
A poll agrees. Two conservative groups, American Values (AV) and the Family Research Council (FRC) sampled party members, some that have not always voted along party lines, and found out that the majority feel marriage should be “confined as being only between a man and a woman.” The result was gigantic, with 75 percent agreeing on the man-woman combo, 20 percent disagreeing, 3 percent refusing to answer while wearing clothing identified with their opposite sexes and 1 percent admitting they condoned gay bath houses.
AV President Gary Bauer said he feels the results reflect the general conservative view, which defied another poll that supports the issue.
A Bauer insider said, “Our members have always felt this way, so there was no way to skew the survey results. In fact, a show of hands would have the same results and would have cost less money.”
The poll taken by CBS News and the New York Times revealed that 56 percent backed same-sex marriage.
Ricky Raceloose, a pollster expert, said, “As long as the Democrats don’t use the words ‘gay marriage,’ they will get a majority. Even Democrats have a problem using the word ‘gay.’”
Bauer and other AV members don’t care what it is called, they feel it is not a federal, state or local issue.
FRC President Tony Perkins said he doesn’t believe the American public supports same-sex marriage, no matter what polls say.
“Tony Perkins,” said show business journalist Buck Friendly, “isn’t being honest because he has the same name as the actor who played the crazy guy in all the ‘Psycho’ movies and happened to be gay in real life. Perkins, the conservative, once asked Perkins, the actor, to change his name if he was going to come out of the closet. Perkins, the actor, now dead, refused, as the story goes, and Perkins, the conservative, banned all of Perkins, the actor’s, movies for FRC members. But one FRC member who was a baseball fan was perturbed, since Perkins, the actor, played Jimmy Piersall, in a movie that the FRC member loved. The FRC member quit the FRC, pointing out that Perkins, the actor, displayed fine heterosexual behavior in the movie, which supported man-woman marriage. So Perkins, the conservative, has an axe to grind about this issue.”
Zach Benalitravilos, a Greek lawyer who faced the issue legally in Pennsylvania when he got behind a bill to legalize same-sex marriage, said, “The conservatives in Pennsylvania were laughing because I said I got ‘behind the bill.’ That is an out-and-out gay joke and I sued them for mocking my private life.”
Mr. Benalitravilos won the lawsuit when the defendants almost successfully burned down the doghouse where his poodle, Anchropocolips, lived. Still, conservative strength in the Keystone State remains staunch about same-sex marriage, especially between two men.
A conservative party insider who lives in rural Pennsylvania said, “We don’t mind seeing the girl-girl thing as much as the man-man thing, but even then it should be private, not a law.”
Ultimately, conservatives site the findings of certain social scientists to prove their overall distrust of same-sex marriage.
Dr. Evident Marchburry, for one, has studied the issue. He said, “It’s all about the children being raised in same-sex relationships. They do best with man-woman parents, even when the woman wears the pants and the man has feminine tendencies. Mommy and daddy are best woman and man, respectively, according to every study.”
But Dr. Real Scoobydoo, who is writing a book called, “It’s Apparent The Parents Are Gay,” said, “It is too early to come to conclusions because there are not enough samples of same-sex marriage. There never will be enough unless people are allowed to marry their own sexes. We have to remember that what is considered a normal marriage is also the atmosphere that produced Hitler and others that have not been productive citizens of mankind.”
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