In 2010 Sarah Palin was the conservative buzz of the season. Her loyal followers, ambulance mostly Tea Party members, were slipping out of their clothing with excitement in anticipation of her announcement to run for President. Their disappointment lingers to this day.
“Not only did she not run,” said a Tea Party insider poised to volunteer in a Palin-for-President campaign, “she disappeared. We looked for her at Ted Nugent concerts but she was nowhere to be found. I took the whole family to Alaska that winter, hoping to find her moose hunting but we never so much as saw her shadow. Or a moose, for that matter.”
Sarah Palin has not had a political role since she ran for vice president.
“Sure, she is still writing stuff on Facebook,” said a former follower, “but so is Wheat Thins. And Wheat Thins has more Facebook ‘likes’ than Sarah.”
Sarah Palin was unavailable for comment but someone who claims to know her said she has not changed her principles and values, “she just doesn’t use them to try to be President and you have to admire her for that.”
However, Tea Party insiders say her position in their politics is “diminished.”
One Tea Party representative who spoke with us under the condition that we have a copy of the Constitution on us during the interview, said, “We wanted her position to be augmented, not diminished. It’s exactly like those terms in music. When you augment you go add notes and when you diminish you take notes away. So let’s just say Palin doesn’t have as many notes as she had four years ago.”
She has made public appearances for the sake of conservative movements. She was at an event to support Senate candidate Joni Ernst in Iowa. It was reported that the hall was half empty and few people stayed to shake Sarah’s hand after the speeches. Even Ms. Ernst left.
“It was raining hard that day,” said a friend of Palin who claimed he was in her office once when she was the Alaskan governor. “People in Iowa don’t like to come out in the rain, everyone knows that. I bet there were two to three hundred, maybe a thousand people at home kicking themselves because it rained and they couldn’t get to go and see Sarah.”
Palin has endorsed about a dozen candidates in the past year and two have lost already.
“The base just doesn’t think Sarah is viable any longer,” said a Tea Party associate. “I think she is viable but I don’t think she is reliable because she makes like she is going to run and then doesn’t run. That isn’t viable it’s unreliable. You can’t be two things that mean opposite things even if they rhyme.”
Her political employees claim Palin’s mission is to get more conservative women elected.
“She won’t attract enough women,” said a Democratic strategist who is obviously bias and has an interest in Palin failing. “There aren’t enough women in the country who are ready to go backward and everything the Tea Party wants from women is backwards. If it were up to them they would call women ‘nemow,’ which is women backwards.”
Palin’s husband Todd is always nearby on political trips. An insider said that he supports her views and loves having two homes (one in Alaska and one in Alabama), especially since those states both begin with the letter “A.”
Sarah Palin’s PAC, called SarahPAC, reportedly gave $56,000 to federal candidates and still has more than a million accumulated from small donors.
“I gave her fifteen dollars,” said Morton Mortality, a public address system repairman from Arkansas. “I like her and Huckabee, our former governor. I gave him twenty dollars and felt bad that it was five dollars more than I gave Palin but dag nabbit, Huckabee is so much more fun to say.”
Democrats in Alaska warn that Palin can jump into any race she wants at the last minute and still have a potent affect and maybe win.
“Never underestimate the power of Palin,” said a Democratic strategist who was disappointed the movie “Juno” was not about Alaska’s capital. “She’s a woman of resolve, even when the chips are down and the fire’s out and you can’t call the hogs back into the pen.”
“Sarah was the Led Zeppelin for conservatives,” said Rolly Ripper, a conservative talk show host of his own podcast, produced in his Utah garage. “But Ted Cruz is The Beatles now. In the long run, you want to be The Beatles, not Led Zeppelin because The Beatles keep selling more music and every conservative singer performs the song ‘Yesterday’ while none of them do that Zeppelin song about squeezing your lemon. So I would not put any money on Sarah Palin having a political future, just like you wouldn’t go see a Zeppelin concert if they had one now and it was on the same day as a Beatles concert, even if both of their shows only had the remaining members of the original group performing, you know?”
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