It’s summer in Washington, cialis D.C., made official by the five-week summer recess for Congress. The legislative bodies are weary from trying to do their jobs amid negative public opinion, party politics and, of course, a President they say is a few executive orders away from ripping the Constitution to shreds.

“My boss can’t wait to get back to the sunny skies of his state,” said a Republican congressman’s assistant. “He has fond memories of what it was like when he grew up and our country was considered strong by other nations and people wore holsters and guns and presidents were not born in Africa.”

A Senate Democrat’s staff member said, “My boss needs rest. These five weeks will allow him to refuel so he can come back fighting for the issues our party champions and work against the other party in the midterm elections. And it will give him time to read the Constitution.”

All members may need a break from the fight but the hiatus leaves the fight in limbo, along with problems reforming the VA, keeping the Highway Trust Fund from being depleted, immigration issues and other tidbits.

House seats empty as members vacation for five weeks

House seats empty as members vacation for five weeks

“So much is still unresolved,” said Werbly Misfortune, a government sociologist who created the title of government sociologist. “Five weeks is a long time; things fester. Hannibal and his elephants conquered the Himalayan Mountains in less than five weeks. Granted, the residents only had bamboo spears that broke easily against an elephant’s rough and thick skin and there were less than a hundred defending the entire mountain range, but really, all of the legislators could have come together and settled the problems before the hiatus.”

So many experts feel the same way. We spoke with Dr. Ignatius Bolterdash, who taught Random Science at a university for a semester before the subject was taken out of college curriculums. “Why didn’t Congress do more?” he said. “Because they don’t have to do anything except get elected. Truly, the members of both houses get perks and gifts and are not policed, so they do what they want when they want. It’s like we teach in Random Science—wherever they let us teach Random Science—in that a property with a function can abandon the function and still be the property. Or, any one object with a purpose can at any time take on another purpose or be purposeless for any amount of time while still appearing to be the object.”

Political pundits, bloggers, critics, journalists and junkies all agree that the midterm elections have stifled all inspiration to accomplish anything through the houses.

Fefe Migrane, whose book, “Never Lean Right As If It Is The Correct Direction,” said, “The worst thing to do now for any member of Congress is to work with people on the other side of the aisle. You can see this when Republicans or Democrats go to churches on Sunday. They scorn at anyone who sits on the aisle across from them and sometimes fire spitballs at them during sermons or when the priest turns his back on the crowd and gulps extra wine while making communion wafers.”

According to projections that the Republicans are narrowly leading in the midterms and want to concentrate on taking over the Senate before President Obama’s final term is over, the key word is policy and not progress.

“The Democrats are a bit worried,” said a Democratic party organizer in the West, “because they know a few votes here and a few votes there can turn the country over to the other party. Republicans think that is a good thing because they are in the party that can take over.”

“We will take over,” said P. Marshall Law, a Republican strategist who works for the only printed newspaper still publishing in Oregon. “This country is tired of what Obama and his party has done to everything to morality and the middle class.”

Steven Propertone, author of “Morality And The Middle Class” said, “I am getting tired of conservatives using my book’s title as if it is their slogan. The book isn’t even about politics; it’s about personal preferences in sexual domination. It’s nothing like that gray-shades novel, either, and I am tired of people telling me I stole the idea.”

There has been filibuster after filibuster while Congress was in session, mostly due to, according to sources, empowering issues for the midterm elections. One source said that the midterm elections hold high hopes to incite the Republican base to find a candidate to win the Presidency.

Other sources find the lack of cooperation between the executive and legislative branches leading to bleak and depressing years ahead no matter who wins the White House.

Faith Unbenoin, author of the book, “Millennium’s Darkest Days (How America Fell Into An Abyss So Deep That No One Falling Into It Could Climb Out)” said, “I hate to sound like a negative Nellie but I think the concept of bipartisanism in the houses is over forever. When I mean forever I mean the length of the time this country has left before elected officials use fisticuffs on one another. That will lead to handheld weapons, hatchets and pitchforks, and then the shooting begins with pistols and rifles and then automatic weapons, all of which leads to deaths and more elections to replace the legislators killed which leads to more vicious fighting in the houses and then poisoning Supreme Court members and the kind of chaos that does not lead to order.”

Harry Reid, members of the family of the late Harry Reems and David Cassidy were unavailable for comments.


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