Congressman Mo Brooks, who rose to fame with his politics-oriented brothers, Lar and Curl Brooks, is claiming that Democrats are waging a “war on whites.”

The Alabama Republican congressman announced his claim on a conservative radio talk show recently. Brooks, who is no relation to the famous comedians Mel or Albert, explained that Democrats hate everyone but themselves, which is part of a contrived plan executed by the White House to further President Obama’s intention to divide people into categories of race, sex and class.

The discussion on the show concerned immigration laws that were passed by the House. “They could result in increased deportations,” said Brooks, according to someone who swore he heard the talk show.

Mo Brooks discovers 'war on whites'

Mo Brooks discovers ‘war on whites’

Brooks, whose favorite movie character is Brooks in “The Shawshank Redemption,” said the war on whites is “part of the strategy implemented when Obama was elected, where he divides us all on sex, creed, envy, class warfare—all of those kinds of things.”

Sedgewick Portmyer, a Republican strategist who recently moved to Alabama to be able to comment on Brooks, said, “The war on whites is a racial thing. It’s not like the war of the worlds because that was a interplanetary thing. However, both have to do with aliens and that is no coincidence.”

Brooks, who claims his father was born in Alabama with a banjo on his knee, defended his comment when Democrat Niles Buckfender, an unknown candidate for a congressional seat in Sweethome, Alabama, commented on Brooks’ claim.

“The congressman is playing the race card, which I think should only be played in Birmingham, where they hold racing,” said Buckfender. “I would like to ask Mr. Brooks if he has a considerable amount of money invested in the detergent industry and if he is one of the benefactors of a new Internet web site for Mr. Clean.”

Brooks told the press that House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi was supporting the war on whites when she said the GOP was ignoring immigration reform because of race.

A source from the Pelosi staff said, “Republicans would support immigration reform if President Obama did not support it. Does that have to do with the President being black or with the immigrants being brown or with the tint of white missing from any child escaping the culprits of Central America?”

We asked Conservative commentator George Will to comment but he was busy staring into space out of a window by a wall he had just painted in his home.

“Race should not be an issue,” Brooks said.

Elmont Clairidge, who publishes a magazine titled “Race,” disagrees. “Our magazine comes out once a month and each Race is an issue. What the hell else are we supposed to call it? We could say it is an edition but how many editions make a volume? As long as Race is published, Race issues will be available.”

“No campaign should focus on Americans based on skin pigmentation,” said a Brooks assistant. “It is sinister and counterproductive and the only thing that will prove it once and for all is when we have a white President again, like we always had in the good old days.”

Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee spokeswoman Emily Bittner said that Brooks is “living in his own world of paranoia.”

Professor Beth Crane, Jr., whose book “Paranoia Strikes Those Afraid That Everyone Is After Them,” told a reporter during one of her book signings that people do live in their own worlds of paranoia. “People live in their own worlds of paranoia,” Crane, Jr., who still does not know why his parents named him after his nanny, said. “In order to convince oneself that danger looms in every corner, paranoid people employ imaginary concepts that confirm their worst beliefs. In the case of Congressman Brooks, it seems that he needs an excuse to having had his mommy clean him after defecation even in his teenage years. Many congressmen, in both parties, suffer from this deep psychological problem. I don’t want to say any more because it is unfair to diagnose any person appearing to have this problem without checking their underwear.”

“Many authors like Mr. Crane are hired to discredit popular conservative claims,” said Miles McMiles, a conservative blogger and one-time liberal blogger who changes his Internet passwords hourly. “Crane is a puppet of the Democrats, which is something we conservatives call a Democratic Puppet. They support his publications and instruct him to make up intelligent-sounding reasons why conservatives are crazy. Have you noticed that they made his first name a woman’s name? That is because the Democrats claim conservatives are waging a war on women. It is subtle but it also supports same-sex marriage without saying so.”

“War on whites, war on women, what is with all the double-u wars?” said retired Civil War reenactment general Silus Clip. “These politicians always look for slogans and catchy phrases. It’s dastardly how they are demeaning. And just what is demeaning of it all, anyway?”

It’s about the strong and continuing war of the parties, one that is waged daily, according to Wes Bonnfire, publisher of the political journal “The Daily Waged.” Bonnfire said, “What makes this country great is that we have political parties that publicly denounce one another and defile one another’s reputations so that they can define their own opinions, which are, for the most part, worthless to the governing system and unproductive to the public that elects them. This will continue to go on no matter the color of the party’s leader, the creed of the party’s members or the shadow of your smile.”

Lady Gaga, Cheryl Hinds and Lawrence Fishburn were unavailable for comments.



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