Rick Santorum uses his hands to estimate the size of his head from ear to ear as he readies for another run at the White House.

Rick Santorum uses his hands to estimate the size of his head from ear to ear as he readies for another run at the White House.

HARRISBURG, no rx Penn./Frank Cotolo – Former senator from Pennsylvania and Presidential candidate Rick Santorum is on the road, sale kicking up dust for another run at the White House, one he hopes will be literally through the front door and into the private quarters where he and God can run the country.

The surprise Republican candidate from 2012, is taking his hard-lined religious beliefs to the people again, as exemplified in a recently recorded conversation with top social conservatives.

Santorum said the phrase “separation of church and state” does not appear in the U.S. Constitution but it “was in the constitution of the Soviet Union.”

Santorum is correct, according to Constitutional expert Riley Pumpstart. “The phrase doesn’t appear in the Monroe Doctrine, either, but that doesn’t mean the Monroe Doctrine is about Marilyn Monroe.”

The brunt of Santorum’s support comes from the trickle-down Pat Robertson crowd, the die-hard Christian Americans that see Biblical law above Democratic law. Santorum’s use of comparison between Communists and Christian Americans is an angle political pundits expect him to be using come the caucuses and primaries.

“Rick has the commie angle ready to lash out on anything that appears liberal this time around,” says political strategist Mort Mention, who claims he worked on the set of “The 700 Club” until he was told to comb Pat Robinson’s hair to heal a bedsore he had gotten in a hospital. “You will be hearing the word ‘pinko’ a lot as Santorum hits the campaign trail.”

It is no stretch of the imagination that Santorum will be lining up commie views with everything President Obama has done, while also attacking his Republican rivals.

“I expect him to go after us with fervor,” said a campaign supporter for Rand Paul. “By the time Rand gets through with Santorum, he won’t be able to tell Karl Marx from Groucho.”

Santorum said, “Since when in America do we have classes?”

“He is going to have to beef up his campaign this time,” said retired campaign strategist Giles Miles. “Right now he is in eleventh place and even though he was not taken seriously at first last time out, this time is not last time out. This time out is this time out and last time was last time.”

Some other campaign experts feel differently.

“Never underestimate the wacky guy,” said Peter Pillsbury, whose book about how candidates could be more successful if they used Vaudevillian logic, is set to come out as soon as it gets a publisher. “If Rick makes the absurd seem serious, then it is no longer heard as a joke and people who admire his guts to say something outrageous become attracted to him. A crazy joke needs a punchline but a serious comment does not, so no one laughs, they believe instead.”

“He’s dangerous,” said a supporter for Ted Cruz. “I think what may happen is that Santorum and Cruz go into the convention in a tie for delegates and God has to make the deciding vote. If not God, then Jesus. Only it will be a Jesus dressed in a suit, not a dirty Arab robe. This Jesus will be white and he will glow from all sides of his body.”

There is a growing anti-Santorum group, called SISSI, which stands for Santorum Is Slightly Sick Indeed, that feels something is seriously wrong with Santorum’s mental health. Erwin Akin, a spokesman for SISSI, talks to Christian Americans anywhere he can to emphasize Santorum is ill.

“No one can possibly think that America has anything to do with the Bible,” Akin said. “Santorum thinks like those knuckleheads that think invisible forces are at work around us. How could anyone want someone like that to lead them?”

A Santorum supporter, who refused to reveal his identity but swore that he was in touch with invisible forces, said, “No one in politics is as in touch with that which cannot be touched as Rick Santorum. It’s like God anointed Mrs. Santorum and she had Rick and he grew up with this inner blessed muscle that grew into political wisdom and when he grew up it would be a strong muscle and he would flex it to move political mountains and allow God to be in control of America, as the lord designed it to be.”

The church-and-state issue was actually addressed by the founding fathers. The Constitution allows for a “wall of separation” and explicitly expresses that the two keep away from one another.

Akin of SISSI also said, “We will do almost anything to be sure Santorum doesn’t get the nomination, no less wins a general election. That includes drawing moustaches on pictures of him and making up songs about him.”

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Check out more from Frank Cotolo on his official website http://www.148.ca/frank

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