Jeb Bush breaks into song during an announcement that he  is thinking about running for President.

Jeb Bush breaks into song during an announcement that he is thinking about running for President.

HARRISBURG, doctor Penn./Frank Cotolo – A few weeks ago (but who’s counting?), while covering the possible field for the Republicans’ Presidential hopefuls in 2016, we reported that Jeb Bush was doing well in the polls. We were unable to publish which polls were reporting that but what mattered most is now coming to fruition—Jeb Bush has taken his first step to candidacy.

Jeb’s announcement to form an exploratory commission (the term for a bunch of people paid to collect data on the positive and negative reactions to a candidate running, especially if he or she is a member of the Bush family) has all but signaled that he has thrown his hat into the crowded ring of possible candidates.

“Personally,” said a source close to the Bush family, who was later identified as President George W. Bush, “I think the only hat he has is an old Texas Rangers baseball cap and he hardly wears it but by golly I’ll vote for any Bush that wants to run anywhere.”

“I think Jeb also has a Florida Marlins hat,” said a former executive of the Florida baseball team. “When he was governor here he liked his home team, not those dirty Texas guys. Our team is more American than the Texas Bush team from the top to the bottom.”

“Is not,” said a former executive of the Texas baseball team unrelated to the Bush family. “The Texas Rangers are dirty American fighters and we have younger fans, not like all those ole folks in Florida. We also have a heritage and a TV show starring Chuck Norris that was named after our team. Marlins are fish and stupid fish, according to all studies on the intelligence of fish.”

Jeb Bush isn’t just disliked by the Florida Marlins’ connections, there are serious concerns in the Republican Party about his ability to get the nomination, no less win, no less take the oath of office without chuckling because his brother and father, both former Presidents, would be singing “Nah nah nah nah nah” behind him, no less govern.

Sources from the Rand Paul camp said, “He’s Mitt Romney with a different name,” “He’s George Bush with a Romney slant,” “He’s his brother only not Romney,” and “Who’s Romney?”

Sources from the Chris Christie camp said, “You can’t even see Jeb if he stands behind Christie,” “Jeb is a stupid name for a President,” “He has been a good governor but who can’t run Florida? It’s not like New Jersey,” and “Let’s see Jeb eat a large pizza in two minutes.”

Sources from the Ted Cruz camp said, “The Constitution recognizes that three family members, especially if they are from the same family, should never become President,” and “The Bible is not for the Bush people,” “Jeb is a liberal,” “Jeb is a libertatian,” “Jeb cannot play the base [sic] or the drums, either” and “Ted is the best first name for a President, not a talking Teddy Bear in a dirty movie, we have to establish that.”

On the other side of the aisle, sources from Hillary Clinton’s camp have been laughing at the possibility the 2016 race will read: Clinton versus Bush.

Dred Bileflow, a Democratic blogger, wrote, “This is no laughing matter because there may be people with Alzheimer’s disease who will think these are the other Clinton and another one of the two Bushes and either not vote, vote for the wrong Clinton or Bush, vote in their heads only where the vote won’t count, think about voting and forget all together, think they cannot vote because they are ill, sign up for Obamacare, request a change in Party affiliation, spin in place, roll themselves up in rugs and have someone take them to an apartment in need of a rug and a tenant or revoke their citizenship.”

“We think it is amusing,” said a source from the Clinton camp. “But we don’t think it will happen that way.”

Another source from the Clinton camp that only spoke under the condition of anonymity said, “We feel no matter who runs against Hillary, when the first polls close all of the TV stations will predict Hillary is the winner by eighty-three percent.”

“What about the Pope?” said former VP candidate Sarah Palin.

A Bush campaign will, if nothing else, have high name recognition. When six thousand people were asked if they knew the name Bush in politics, all but three said they did not. One of them thought it was a name of a partner of a beer manufacturer. Another thought it was a baseball league. Another thought is was a country.

Republican blogger Stash Widdlewood, wrote, “The base is not strong enough to get a Ted Cruz to win the general election. All the conservatives in the country cannot add up to enough voting power to bring the extreme right wing of the party into power. It may be sad but it is true and I bet my reputation on it, which I can do now because few people know me but when I become popular it will be a large wager. It takes courage to admit this but the Right Wing is crippled.”

“That is what we like to hear,” said computer whiz Zerkle Misfortune, who says that the digital age will not permit a strong conservative base any longer in the history of the nation. Zerkle, who is 13 and is just graduated from Harvard, Oxford and can recite “Dante’s Inferno” backwards, said, “The future belongs to the progressive mathematicians. No one growing up today with a mobile device—and that means everyone—will ever support anything but true freedom. Being a conservative isn’t an option, so ultimately, Jeb Bush has a shot.

“What about the Pope?” said former VP candidate Sarah Palin.



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