LAUREL, treatment Md. /Frank Cotolo – Even after scandals and questionable accusations as a politician, former President Bill Clinton has remained so popular that a large group of his supporters are urging his wife, Hillary, to have Bill as her running mate.
“Why not?” said long-time Clinton supporter Fester Bilateral. “Bill never held the office of VP and there is nothing in the Constitution that says he can’t hold it. Is there?”
That is a short but big question because the Constitution is not clear about such a situation.
Constitutional student Janice Manus disagrees. She said, “The twenty-second amendment limits anyone from being elected President more than twice or acting as President for more than two years after someone else has been elected President or has not worn underpants during an Inaugural address. Actually, I just made that last one up because I sensed you were not paying attention.”
Ms. Manus is correct in that the 22nd Amendment does not state if a former President can become Vice President since he or she would have to become President if the elected President passed away, resigned or was found guilty of breaking a law (not including shoplifting).
Rake Masterson, a blogger who writes about Supreme Court cases and Supreme Court member hobbies when they are not working on the bench, said, “Bill could get the office—and I don’t mean disrespect by calling him Bill but once, in a bar, I met him, though it may have been another fellow with one of those seriously accurate Bill Clinton masks, and he put his arm around me, hugged me, and said, ‘Call me Bill from now on,’ and even though I never saw him in person again I felt I had his permission—and keep it for two years if something happened to Hillary that stopped her from maintaining the elected President’s position—and I don’t mean disrespect calling her Hillary but I saw on her campaign signs last time she ran that everyone was calling her by her first name so I figured it is all right to do so.”
“It’s a conundrum,” said Eli Snowbound, an editor of a published Thesaurus, “and that also means it is an enigma, brain-teaser and riddle.”
Speculators from the Democratic Party didn’t comment about Bill being VP but they certainly have a lot to say about who else might become Hillary’s running mate.
Democratic strategist and part-time bicycle repair-person Leslie Cripticket has made a list of possible running mates. She said, “I know what you are thinking; you’re saying, a girl who repairs bikes? Duh. What is wrong with that? I know for a fact that there is a Democrat Congressman who will make a great running mate. She is Donna Edwards and I happen to understand or have heard that she can repair bikes. I know what you are thinking; you’re saying, a candidate for Vice President who repairs bikes? Well, yeah, that is what I am saying.”
The ABC organization (Anyone But Clinton) feels that Joe Biden, the current VP, could be VP again.
Vincent Vermillion Graffpaper, ABC chairman, said, “Try to find that a two-time VP can’t be a VP again in our Constitution. I say you try to find it because we have not looked it up. We just know that if it is possible, Biden would be better than Bill Clinton because we know Biden already so there would be no surprises.”
“Not Clinton Clinton,” said liberal blogger Kermit Sandstorm, who changed his last name from Hurricane, “that would be a stupid campaign sign. I think the best sounding team for the party is Hillary Willoughby. All we need to do is find someone named Willoughby or change the name of her running mate to Willoughby. Listen to how that rolls off of your tongue. Hillary Willoughby. Yeah, that’s it for me.”
“No way, no way, no way, nooooooooo wayyyyyyy,” said a small-market conservative talk-show host who is called Jimmy “No Way” Jackhammer. “But it won’t matter in now way because there is no way to make that happen. The Constitution has no way allowed that. For a former President, there is no way back to the Presidency through the Vice Presidency. You hear me? Nooooooo wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!”
No one in the Clinton camp made any comment, as far as we know. We tried to call the soon-to-be Clinton campaign headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, but we kept connecting to an Italian bakery in the neighborhood. After the seventh try, the man who answered the bakery phone said, “I am not gonna tell ya one more time dat no Clinton is here an not for you to call again asking for anyting cept an orda fer a dozen loaves. You got that?”
Karl Rove was unavailable for comments.
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