At one time I believed that friendships were essential to emotional and spiritual health, but the older I get, the more I realize that friendships are transient.

We make friends at work, colleagues who share the same interest or jobs as us, but how many of those friendships carry outside of the working environment? When they do, do things that happen at work effect the friendship? What happens when one friend gets promoted and becomes the other friend’s boss? Things could get dicey then.

Over the years I’ve made a few close friends, people I could trust with anything. What fascinates me though, is the fact that even though you feel that these friendships will last forever, sometimes they just fizzle out or an act of inconsideration or betrayal destroys them.

While I appreciate all my friends, I have come to realize that even though some friendships are temporary or convenient, they are still real while they last. So I cherish those friendships, I work to cultivate them and when they come to an unfortunate end, I try to keep the good memories and forget the bad.

You can’t change the past, you can only build the future, so here’s to all my past friends, still active or not, it’s been great! To all my future friends, welcome, let’s enjoy the ride while it lasts!

It was an enjoyable show, and I will be doing a similar show this coming Monday. I have been getting quite busy with comedy. I have several shows lined up for next week, I’m looking at about four shows (depending on the school workload) and will be on just for laughs in a month, just kidding! But hopefully in the near future, and by near I mean a few years probably. I’m going to change topics because I would love to share this thought with the readers. It’s a perspective on would be robbers, here you go;

Well I’m going to start off with breaking into my home; If you were ever to try and break into my home, I would actually feel bad for you. Let’s assume you made it in. You’d be lucky if you would be able to get past my front door, without stumbling over my double stroller. You would probably cuss so loud they would hear you at the local hospital. Believe me if someone is rude to me they will get ‘stroller bumped’ that’s when you ‘accidentally’ hit someone with the bottom sharp part of your stroller.
Doesn’t sound that painful, but believe me it is! Or maybe my neighbour would come talk to you and bore you to death about how she bought some new ‘drawer’ to place her stuff in. If you understand french, you may listen politely but if you’re me you will probably stand there confused, and let her talk until you fall asleep standing.

Oh did you still want to break in? Stroller didn’t attack you? Neighbour didn’t bore you to death? Maybe you would somehow manage to not trip over the strategically placed children’s toys throughout the house. I know they do it on purpose. I see it in their little blue eyes. They wait until I turn around then they place the toys, and BAM!.

They mock me as I stumble like a drunken fool all over the house. OK so if you managed passed that stage. You may have noticed that I have a TV in the living room, well you can keep it, its a nuisance. Or maybe you can steal my VCR? Please? I’m really sick of watching the Flintstones every day.

Oh wait, I have some camera equipment. A small browning camera, its worth $4.24 on eBay its yours!. All toys are yours as long as they ‘light up’ and make annoying nursery rhyme sounds. It seems like those toys never go off. I can turn those things off a thousand times, and some toy will make a friggin duck sound! The worst are those toys that always seem to be ‘dying’ even if you replace the battery a hundred times. I can’t stand children s toys. I think children should just be given a giant rubber ball, some rope, and a big stick. We can throw it all together, draw some faces on everything, and we can call it ‘educational’.

I forgot to mention. Chances are i’ll be awake doing my exercise routine. Assuming ‘exercise routine’ that means watching TV shows while drinking scotch on the rocks in my underwear. If you want a glass of whiskey , you’re welcome to join me as long as you take some old children’s clothes when you leave. With twins, this stuff really piles up. I am also trying to get rid of my Futon. It has every stain imaginable. This is a family blog? Can’t explain that. Seriously, take the futon.

Do you want some kitchen appliances? The guy who used to live hear apparently passed on before I moved in. Maybe he was doing something with a fork, and a toaster and some whiskey who knows? I’m curious, but I know my death will be way more interesting that most people I know.

Oh, I forgot to mention i’m a bachelor. So help yourself to stale salami, sour milk or fresh cottage cheese, century old leftovers, and any other hazardous products you can find. There might be like an awkward rotten vegetable in my fridge. I try to a balanced meal of Carbs, protein, and starch, or more precisely poutine and a beer. Please I’m a single dad just leave me a beer. On your way out, can you do me a favor? Please? Throw in a load of laundry, and take the garbage downstairs? Dont’ leave ! Stay and babysit? I’ll pay you? Take them for a walk? Oh wait this isn’t making sense anymore.

Please don’t take my swivel chair that I found outside. My freind thought my swivel chair gave him bedbugs. Turns out he had got a haircut that day. Yes. I pick them wisely. Truth is, I don’t live that badly. My house isn’t messy it’s ‘child decorated’ . My house is burglar welcome , not burglar proof. You want to break in, hey buddy its your own death. I wouldn’t recommend doing it.

I hope you all have a great week, and if you’re planning on breaking in to houses ‘scout them out’. Don’t break into house where people have children, because if you manage to get into the house, got luck leaving in one piece. Children are amazing be really nice to them, they own you. Treat them that way. If you don’t you’ll end up in a terrible nursing home!

Cheers, Avi Tanny

We live in a time of entitlement, where even children feel that things are owed to them. Why wouldn’t they? Most children in North America today are lucky enough not to be hungry, to have plenty of toys and doting parents. So the question is, if we raise our kids to expect everything, how can we possibly expect them to appreciate anything?

When I was 14 years old, I wanted nothing more than to be a reporter in radio and print. I started chasing the dream and literally drove the program director of CJAD and the editor of The Suburban in Montreal insane. Finally after much persistence I landed a column at The Suburban, for no pay. I wrote for them throughout high school and didn’t  make a penny, I did it to learn the trade, to gain experience and most of all for the exposure.

By the time I was 18 the Suburban was paying me for my work, I was on track to landing a job at CJAD radio (which lasted 12 years) and by the time I was 25, I was considered a veteran columnist/reporter having been in the business over 11 years.

The one thing I never did was look down on any of my professional experiences. There were many times that I wrote for different papers and didn’t get paid. There were times where media outlets used me to further their goals of delivering a good show or news, and of course there were times where I was kicked in the face by unscrupulous owners and bosses who made promises they refused to keep. Through it all, I thanked them for the opportunity, for the learning experience and most of all for the life lessons I learned from them. 

As one of the more popular English shows on Radio Shalom, I constantly throw the door open to people who have an interest in radio to come and gain practical experience by working (for free) at a fully functional AM radio station. When I was young, I would have killed for such an opportunity, yet it always shocks me when young aspiring journalists come in and show no ambition to do anything or take the opportunity for granted.

I guess I’m getting old and a bit crotchety, but I get awfully annoyed when I see people with great potential wasting it away by not taking any initiative or working to improve their skills. When opportunity knocked, nobody was home.

While I wish everyone success and happiness, In my opinion, people who don’t sacrifice for experience, people who put no effort into improving themselves in a community environment will never succeed in a commercial environment. 

Unfortunately they will spend the rest of their careers telling the story of how they were taken advantage of for years at a community station for no pay and then screwed by a commercial station as an intern for no pay, and are finally unemployed, unemployable and bitter.

It’s a sad commentary, but that’s what happens when you don’t recognize opportunity.

To the couples that are now engaged, I wish you congratulations on getting the “yes”!
Welcome to the next level of the development of your relationship. Beware…if you thought getting to this stage was hard, you are about to embark on an even more challenging endeavor: The period of time where you and your partner are testing the waters to see if marriage is going to work out for you.

When working with couples that are discussing marriage, or have gotten engaged, but have concerns about their ability to maintain a lasting relationship, I always encourage the couple to sit down and have a “Frank Disclosure”

It is time you and your now fiancé embark on a very challenging journey…to share every secret you each have that could potentially end a marriage that has not even begun yet.

We all have secrets. Some secrets you can keep to yourself, but other secrets, if exposed, can ruin your marriage. So the question is, what do you have to tell your future spouse?

The answer is, you must tell your spouse everything you believe might cause your spouse not to marry you. If you happen to be thinking that you could NEVER tell your fiancé about X…well that X is exactly what you need to tell them now.

Does your fiancé need to know everything? In today’s world of social media and recorded history…well actually, yes you do. If you chose to safe guard certain truths from you past, at least, you must share those truths that would cripple your relationship if your fiancé ever found out.

For example, if you know that your fiancé would never tolerate dating someone who currently does certain types of illegal drugs, and although you currently do not do any illegal drugs, but you did so in your past, it is important to let your fiancé know. Your fiancé may stay, your fiancé may go…but it is important to give your fiancé the chance to make an informed decision, even if it could lead to the end of your current relationship. Chances are your fiancé will eventually find out, and when that happens, any assumption you might have had that it would no longer be an issue goes out with window, as the divorce papers come riding in. Keep in mind a break up today is a lot less detrimental to your emotional health than a divorce tomorrow from a marriage that was based on omissions of truths.

Here is another example; have you ever posed nude for photos or made a sex tape that is in the hands of an ex? Even if your fiancé does not mind the fact that you did or didn’t, your fiancé should at least be shown the courtesy of being ready for the day when your vindictive ex makes those images or videos publically available or posted them on the internet. We never know what can happen in our futures. Something like this could simply blow over…or it could be detrimental to a career (yours or your fiancés). It would also be a good idea to tell your fiancé before you have children together as your children will share in the fortunes and hardships you experience as a couple. Consider that your kids might get mercilessly teased and bullied in high school when intimate showing of either mom or dad catch up to them. You cannot control the actions of a crazy ex…but you can at least have your team be informed of the potential play hazards and take whatever precautions may be necessary.

If you just got engaged, and want to have a disclosure with your partner, consider all the things you can and cannot handle. Take into account your boundaries and deal breakers. Really think about what your values are and how you want those values to be enacted in your life daily. Here are some things you might want to share with your fiancé if you want the best chances of making your marriage last a lifetime. Do either of you have a child out of wedlock that was given up for adoption who may come back into your lives in 20 yrs? Have either of you worked as a sex worker (stripper/ prostitute/ pimp/ driver) at any point in time? Have you ever had a secret friends-with-benefits liaison with someone that your families will insist attend the wedding? Where either of you ever hospitalized for a suicide attempt? Have either of you ever been on medication for a mental illness that you may relapse into? Have either of you been arrested, incarcerated or have a criminal record? Were either of you dating someone else when you initially met? Have either of you been a party to cheating on past partners, or were the “other” person in an affair? Do either of you have some form of fetish, or alternative sexual lifestyle, or sexual orientation that your current partner does not know about? Have either of you participated in a “wild natured” relationship that your current partner would not be able to handle?

In some cases, your fiancé just might not care about your past. If that is the case, then sharing this information will help the couple bond, and make your relationship stronger. It will prevent your enemies, that WANT to see your relationship fail, from being able to use either of your past histories to turn you against each other.

In other cases, your fiancé will care. Your fiancé may have certain beliefs about relationships and life, such that your past, or accepting your past (and vice versa) is just not feasible. In a perfect world, a person’s past would not matter, and the love of your life would be accepting of everything about you. We do not live in a perfect world. For that reason, you need to know, and your future spouse needs to know. You are investing your life and all of your resources into this relationship including your bodies, your souls and banking on future children. Make your marriage strong by making an informed decision.

Frank Kermit is a relationship coach, best selling author and educator, columnist for The West End Times Newspaper and also appears regularly on 800 AM CJAD’s Passion radio program. For personalized coaching Frank can be reached through frank@franktalks.com

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